Big change

I am up at 3 AM, again. I feel so confused and scared and lost right now. I spoke with my supervisor yesterday about my resignation. We walked away and plan to regroup to finalize the plan tomorrow. He wanted to think about it for a bit. He asked if we could make any adjustments that would keep me there -- part-time, leave of absence, etc. I tried to bring up some of the reasons I don't think I want to be there in the long run, but it's difficult to be honest and not have it come across poorly no matter what you say. You either sound like you're prissy and need everything to be as you wish it, or you come across in some other way.

I'm terrified of all the changes that I need to make in the next few weeks to make this happen. My plan is to leave around August 23. That's so far away...but I don't think he's going to agree to let me leave earlier because I have a lot to wrap up. I have to figure out moving, healthcare, canceling utilities, figuring out car registration in a different state (I'd be moving to the city 1.5 hours south of here), etc.

All I care about now is that how this happens over the next 2 weeks leaves him with a good enough impression of me to get a good recommendation. I hope so. I also hope that I can minimize how it looks on my resume. People giving me advice seemed to be very concerned that I might start looking unemployable if I don't stick around at a job for longer. I agree, but this isn't the job to do that with. And right now I do have a good reason for unemployment -- I'm in school, a type of school that most people understand requires full-time work. I can't worry about that now. My basic reason was for school (which is true), which I explained by saying that I have a lot of factors to juggle and I can only base my decision on facts that I do know. The facts I do know:

• I have a deadline at the end of September that is rapidly approaching. In order to be ready for it, I need much more time (like 80 hours a week).
• I know I don't want to be here in the long run -- it's not a good match.
• I have enough money to get by for many months (and I will start applying for jobs immediately once this degree is partially over in 2 months).
• I'm not enjoying myself at this job, and I know a lot of the reasons aren't going to change.

Well, time to start on my draft #2. I'm supposed to send it to my advisor today!