I have a habit of filling drinking glasses too high. I'm not joking in saying that I do this every day and have spills pretty much at least once a day as a result. Is this something that other people do? Many of my past relationship partners have made fun of me for doing this repeatedly, so I know that it's not a normal thing to do haha. I fill the glass to the top so that the liquid is literally over the top of the rim, balancing by some physical property in a convex fashion over the rim of the glass. I fill the glass with coffee, add the almond milk and soy creamer, and many times the liquid is technically higher than the rim of the glass. I think, "I can fit a little more in there before the glass is full." It's as if I'm playing a childhood game of "fill the glass to the brim" rather than "use the glass to transport liquid to your mouth -- no requirement about filling it to the brim." It doesn't spill until I move it. Then, I move it and it spills. I do this pretty much every day. It's only 7:00 AM and twice this morning I have had to wipe up spilled liquid, once with each glass of coffee that I made myself.
This simple repeated act is analogous to my life as a whole. I fill my life too full and I spill. I am brave for trying to be so bold and daring; daring and confident enough that I think I can just get a little more liquid into the glass. Bold enough to push the boundaries. Daring to try to use the tool to its maximum. Confident enough to think that I can fit so much into my glass of life. But I am also constantly cleaning up my messes, a byproduct of my bravery. The spills of my life as a whole have been both physical and mental over the years: Spills of anxiety about not being able to get everything done, spills of feelings of inadequacy for being human and not being able to handle more than what is humanly possible to accomplish, spills of sadness about the liquid that was spilled and lost during the process (i.e., the experiences that spilled out of my life and I couldn't accomplish due to not enough time), and spills of exhaustion and fatigue from trying to push my body to its limits.
You would think that I would learn that it's easy enough to just go back for a refill on whatever I'm drinking, but I haven't learned that lesson yet. I am 30 and still doing this. In my life as a whole I have been getting better about this -- slowly reducing the amount of responsibilities that I have to focus on so that I can do a better job of focusing on the ones I'm engaged in. I have improved this part of my life greatly over the past year. I realized that I was pushing myself too hard and that I didn't think my body could handle it much longer, so I stopped pouring the activities into my life. I took a leave of absence from work so that I could focus on finishing the PhD. I have made many choices that equate to not filling my life so fully, and this change has mostly occurred over the past year or two. It has been a conscious effort and struggle to refrain from following my heart's desires (desires that have often lead to me filling my life too full). [Nerd alert: I almost edited the previous sentence to say "hearts' desires" because for a split second I thought I had two hearts. Doctor Who has two hearts because people of his species naturally have two hearts. Nerd!! Hahahh]
But there have also been rewards from the bold confidence in my abilities. I have been satisfied by having done so many fun and rewarding things, experiencing so much of life by the time I was 30, receiving a dual major Bachelor's and a PhD, and having been selected for my achievements. As I summarized in a recent post, my life has been very active and I have had SO many fun adventures that it's kind of insane. I can't believe I have been able to put so much liquid in one glass, or one life. My boldness to push the limits has caused some great spills of mental anguish over the years, but has also lead to great satisfaction and enjoyment as a result of continually trying to fill my life to the brim.
No comments:
Post a Comment