The final countdown

I can't wait for this week to be over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In the name of all things holy, I just hope this week goes well. I can't take any more of this!!! I was originally supposed to have my meeting today, but had to change it to Friday after a scheduling change in a committee member's schedule. I'm now glad that I have the few extra days to prepare.

Portlandia Season 3 is funny. Appearance by Jeff Goldblum as a doily salesperson. And I love Kyle MacLachlan. The finale is really funny and concerns a blackout. It's funny because power outs are so rare and yet my TV got turned off while watching that episode about power outs, due to an actual power out! (we're having wind and record-breaking rain this year as a leftover from the Pacific typhoon). Great apocalyptic-type finale episode that cracked me up. I forgot about my real life for a while :)

Pretty much losing my mind. I am living a nightmare and I can't wake up. I feel like this will never end and yet I feel like I don't have enough time to prepare and read all the things I want to read before the meeting. I have to talk to advisor today about the presentation so I'm nervous about that. I plan to ask him for a couple questions that I might expect to be asked during the meeting. I did some reading yesterday and felt slightly better and more knowledgeable about my topic after just reading 2 seminal articles, but it just made me wish I'd started preparing sooner! It's a constant battle between trying to prepare and feeling better and then constantly wishing you'd started preparing earlier because it makes you feel better.

I'm at a point now where I can't do anything except think of nothing. I can't think of anything without having a panic attack, so I just can't think of anything. I don't have space in my mind to think about what I wish I had done or to think about next week. I can only think about nothing and just keep myself busy until Friday. I don't have a place in my mind to think about how annoyed I'll be to tell people about my outcome if it's not good. I did try to imagine my meeting going well, but that will only happen if I spend the next 4 days preparing like crazy and reading everything I can. I need to refresh myself on all these topics and be able to answer questions about them.

I wish we just had to give a presentation and not answer any questions. Then I wouldn't care! I also wish the presentation were a bigger chunk of the meeting. It's only supposed to be 15-20 minutes, with the discussion portion lasting about another hour after that. Here is my plan to get through the next few days:

 Monday:

• 9:00-11:00 Read 4 articles
• 11:00-12:00 Make updates to PowerPoint presentation
• 12:30 Talk to advisor, ask for idea of questions that I can expect
• 1:00-2:00 Finalize presentation
• 1:00-2:00 Print out presentation copies for committee (backup in case projector doesn't work)
• 2:00-3:00 Add notes to presentation
• 3:00-8:00 Read 12 articles

Tuesday:

• 5:00-7:00 Drive home
• 7:00-8:00 Practice presentation once by myself
• 7:00-8:00 Practice presentation with a friend
• 8:00-4:00 Read 16 articles
• 4:00- 8:00 Run 2 analyses on questions that I expect (and bring these with me to show them if they ask; e.g., sensitivity analysis to compare missing data replacement/deletion methods, sample information, non-linear transformations)
• 4:00- 8:00 Practice answering 5 questions that I expect them to ask
• 4:00- 8:00 Pack for trip, iron shirt

Wednesday:

• 6:00a-5:00p Travel
• 7:00-4:00 While traveling, read and critique my draft that I sent them, come up with questions they might have, and make corrections that I see
• 7:00-4:00 Read statistical terms and methods
• 7:00-8:00 Read 8 articles
• 4:00-8:00 Practice presentation with self
• 4:00-8:00 Run 2 analyses on questions that I expect 
• 4:00-8:00 Practice answering 5 questions that I expect them to ask

Thursday:

• 6:00-4:00 Read 16 articles
• 4:00-9:00 Practice presentation with self
• 4:00-9:00 Run 2 analyses on questions that I expect
• 4:00-9:00 Practice answering 5 questions that I expect them to ask

Friday:

• 4:00-5:00 Practice presentation with self
• 5:00-6:00 Read 2 articles
• 6:00-7:00 Practice answering 5 questions that I expect them to ask
• 7:00-9:00 Check out of hotel, get parking permit and set up projector
• 9:00-11:00 Meeting for ~1.5 hours
• 1:00-10:00 Travel

So far today I've paid my rent, checked on parking for rental car and printed out map, recruited a driver to the airport and some help getting ready tomorrow, checked my credit score, and signed up for the Great Shake Out earthquake activity (it's amazing how avoiding a dissertation will motivate you to do totally unrelated things just to avoid working on it...). Now it's time to read some articles and edit my presentation before calling my advisor.

Please let no one show up to my meeting except my committee...please!