Falling Forward

I've been wanting to get on here and write for so long...it has been a really hard couple months. REALLY hard nine months of recovery after finishing school last December. I have improved some areas of my life, but some areas are just getting worse the longer I'm here (mental health mainly, due to job).

Job

I am desperately trying to find a new job. I am miserable at work, my self-esteem is gone, I feel worthless and incompetent, sick all the time, unsupported (my boss has never sat down with me in 1.5 years to ask about my goals, my training needs, or anything like that...sometimes he doesn't even say "Bye" when he walks by my office on the way out of work...). People there are miserable and feel oppressed. We are constantly abused, left out of decisions that we should be involved with, and constantly have to deal with culture clashes due to the industry we work in (unfortunately the people in the "other" culture are the people running every division, so it's really difficult/impossible to talk to them about the cultural difficulties because they are part of that culture).

Until recently I had only been targeting jobs in Seattle (which has a very small percentage of jobs in my field). There just aren't a lot of low-level jobs in Seattle, unfortunately. Maybe 3 jobs that I'm qualified for have opened up in the last year. So J and I decided that moving away might be the only option...now I'm looking in Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, San Diego, DC, and Houston. I'll consider New York, LA, and Florida if I'm desperate. I'd really like to work in England or Australia and do some traveling, but I'm honestly not sure how to go about getting a job there.

My Diet 

(not the losing-weight kind of diet, the kind that describes what you generally eat)

I finally have my food and weight loss somewhat under control. I dropped 30 pounds from February-June...gained 5 of that back, but still I'm down a total of 25 pounds. I got retested for some of the food allergies and it looked like the corn one has gone away (which is huge...corn is in ALMOST EVERYTHING if you count normal corn, corn syrup solids, maltodextrin, modified food starch). I am glad I can eat corn, but I'm still going to try to buy non-GMO corn when I can. It's hard to buy my old organic, non-GMO stuff with all these restrictions...the only way to really make organic food now is to make it myself with separate organic ingredients (which is great and something I'd like to do more of anyway, but it's just a LOT of time to make ALL your food and causes huge issues when I forget my lunch for example (nothing I can eat out at restaurants so I just can't eat lunch)).

My old diet (pre-February 2014):

• Fruits: All the time = bananas, grapes, raisins, cranberries, strawberries, blueberries, apple, pears, cherries; Sometimes = kiwi, apricots, mangoes, peaches, papaya; Rarely = oranges, raspberries, watermelon
• Vegetables: All the time = Kale, avocado, Swiss chard, black beans, carrots, onion, bell peppers; Sometimes = cabbage, squash, pumpkin, lentils, cucumbers, peas, mushrooms; Rarely = artichokes, asparagus, bean sprouts, tomatoes
• Grains: All the time = whole wheat crackers, beer; Sometimes = whole wheat pasta, oatmeal, popcorn, barley, rye, couscous; Rarely = whole wheat bread, brown rice
• Protein: All the time = tofu, nuts (almonds, cashews, peanut butter, pistachios, walnuts); Never = animal products, eggs only if they were an ingredient in a processed food, 
• Dairy: Sometimes = small amounts of cheddar, mozzarella, Parmesan, yogurt, dairy milk
• Oils: All the time = Olive oil
• Desserts: Sometimes = graham crackers and chocolate; Rarely = butter

My diet these days (post-February 2014):

• Fruits: All the time = coconut milk, bananas, grapes, raisins, cranberries, strawberries, blueberries, apple, pears, mangoes, dates, figs; Sometimes = kiwi, papaya, raspberries; Rarely = oranges, watermelon
• Vegetables: All the time = broccoli, spinach, avocado, tomatoes, kidney/black beans; Sometimes = cassava root, plaintains, potatoes, taro, beets, turnips, artichokes, leeks, radishes; Rarely = asparagus
• Grains: All the time = brown rice, quinoa, rice milk; Sometimes = amaranth, buckwheat, millet, popcorn
• Protein: All the time = chicken eggs, pecans; Sometimes = salmon/tuna
• Dairy: All the time = frozen yogurt, ice cream, cheddar, mozzarella, Parmesan, yogurt
• Oils: All the time = Olive oil; Sometimes = sunflower oil
• Desserts: All the time = crystallized ginger, dried mangoes, ginger snaps; Very rarely = butter, coconut oil

Basically my point is...my diet nearly did a 180 and flipped on its head. I realized this even more yesterday when I reflected on the fact that my diet has been pretty much mainly: Coconuts, rice, mangoes, turnips, beets, radishes, spinach, leeks, tomatoes, and chia seeds. All stuff I never used to eat (except mango).

Favoritism

I was just skimming an article on NPR about favoritism in parents and how perception of favoritism is what makes the difference, not actual favoritism. It got me wondering who my parents' favorite is. My brother and I could hardly be more different. I have totally distanced myself from my family, so obviously now my brother has got to be the favorite.

I would guess that we were mostly equal favorites until I was about 10 or so (when I started to have an independent conscience), when I started avoiding my parents (in all aspects of life). Didn't want them to hear me play piano, didn't want them to watch me ride in my horse show, etc.). My brother was different, somewhat. He didn't push them away. He's less emotional and open about his life and emotions, but pushed away less also. I always felt like they favored him because he was the good ol' typical son and mostly because he played sports. My family is really. into. sports. I need to get going so here's a quick summary of the differences between my brother and I:

• He's still Catholic and religious. --> I chose not to be confirmed as a Catholic when I was 16, and am not religious.
• He attended a local high school. --> I went to private high school in another city.
• He went to state college where my parents went, got same degree as my dad, was in same fraternity as my dad. --> I went to private college where no one else in my family had gone and got a PhD.
• He played sports throughout his life and my family was very involved in watching him. --> I rode horses and did crew, neither of which my family was involved in.
• He's been at same job for the last 7 years since he was 22. --> I've had 7 jobs in 4 different states since I was 22.
• He got married when he was 26. --> I'm not married yet at 31.
• He lived with our parents after college and then bought a house when he was 26. --> I've lived in 9 different apartments since college and moved back to live with our parents 4 times during that time frame.
• He never left the country until he went to Cancun for a wedding when he was 28 and he never lived outside of our home state. --> I went to the NE United States when I was 10, six countries in Europe when I was 17, Spain for a summer immersion program when I was 18, Chile for a few months when I was 21, moved Ohio for four years when I was 22, moved to DC for a year and a half when I was 27, Canada when I was 28, lived in Washington for last 1.75 years.
• He played an instrument for a couple years and stopped Spanish after a couple years. --> I took two languages in high school and college and still play two instruments.
• Not to mention the fact that we have COMPLETELY different interests... He likes watching sports, drinking, and hanging out at home. --> I like costume parties, traveling, camping, hiking, science fiction, video games.

The only similarities we have are that we don't like to be physically affectionate in front of our parents, we both like Walking Dead, and we both started writing fiction books.

New Things of the Week: Made tapioca, made mashed turnips, cooked radishes, sunflower sprouts on salad.

Non Sequitur of the Day: Did you know that chimps have different murder rates in different locations, like our cities do? Bonobos apparently have the lowest murder rate overall with only 1 suspected murder in the last 92 years of observation, but chimps have higher rates in high density areas (due to competition for resources, is the theory). Interesting.