Argh

I am really revved up right now, and not in a good way. I am bursting with frustration and anger. I have spent the last 45 hours (out of the last 48 hours of work) at work doing nothing but pull files for this lawsuit. It wouldn't be so stressful except for:

• The fact that the 45 hours were spent on helping other people for this same project. This means that I haven't even been able to do my OWN part of this because I'm doing things that other leaders should be taking responsibility for!!! I have attempted 7 or 8 times now to "pass off" their own tasks back to them, but they are just not getting it. How many times can I say, "Okay I'm stepping out of this, here is YOUR spreadsheet that I put together"?? Then an hour later they send me information to put into their spreadsheet...YOU MEAN THE ONE I JUST GAVE BACK TO YOU BECAUSE IT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY?

• The fact that the 45 hours were spent helping dumb people do things they should learn on their own. For example, LEARN HOW TO PUT A FUCKING FILTER ON EXCEL!!!! LEARN CTRL+TAB!!! Omg...

• The fact that I need to work overtime because I NEED to get these projects done at work. I can't tell people at work this, but I need to get my projects done so that I can have a better resume and more fodder for interviews. So now I have to work overtime to get my regular shit done because I'm spending so much time on this damn request that is now due in 3 weeks.

I'm also pissed off because the secretary who sits next to me never says "goodnight" to me when she leaves. She walks RIGHT by my desk and always leaves at 5...yet never a goodbye. So fucking rude.

I have plenty of other things I could vent about, but honestly I need to use my time on wiser things like job search and interview preparation. I'm feeling out of it and having a hard time getting motivated to study and prepare for a new job. I have PLENTY of motivation that should be fueling my desire to get out quick. My desire is there. I just feel some hopelessness because the job market is rough. I really, really hope this first interview gets me a job...

Part of my hopelessness stems from not knowing where to start. I don't know where to start...in life. I finished a humongous chapter of my life six months ago and I still feel a little directionless. I have desires for where I want to go, but I am having a hard time getting there. Part of that was due to physical illness for 3 of those 6 months, part of it due to working too much overtime in March and April. Part of it this lawsuit. Part of it is that I don't have a clue where to start studying for interviews...I feel like I'm so far removed from research that I don't even know how to begin getting back into it in one week's time. Part of it is that this company I'm interviewing with is REALLY slow (I applied on April and am interviewing in July...) so I feel like even if my interview went well, I wouldn't be able to move for a few weeks after that at a minimum.

Here is my plan for the week:

1. Monday: Check most important job sites for job openings. Outline recruiting journal article. Outline of material that I want to study for next week's interview (e.g., their website).
2. Tuesday: Practice SPSS. Develop database. Read measurement book.
3. Wednesday: Practice SPSS. Develop database.
4. Thursday: Practice SPSS. Develop database.
5. Friday: Practice SPSS. Develop database. Skim whole research methods book.
6. Saturday: Practice answering behavioral interview questions.
7. Sunday: Practice answering behavioral interview questions. Read about company. Print new resume.